The Cheap Man’s Guide to Free Masters Memorabilia | This is the loop

AUGUSTA, Ga,—With the possible exception of Scottie Scheffler, Tiger Woods and some other golfers competing at Augusta National, the main topic of interest around the Masters is merchandise. In no other context does a simple logo mean so much. Every other club should be kicking themselves for not thinking of it first. Then they would do have the Masters.

But all of these items, from the extravagant to significantly less, revolve around a level of investment. As we see, that’s too boring, because if you look hard enough – and especially if you get a press headline – there are ways to show off your Masters journey without spending a dime.

I drink too much coffee, especially the long days of a big championship. Sometimes I will think, I don’t really need another cup of coffee. Still, I still need another one of those cool mugs, so this wins.

I stopped putting sugar in my coffee several years ago. But when they ask me if I “take sugar with my coffee”, I do. I take the sugar and put it directly in my pocket.

The only thing I drink more than coffee in the majors is water. Hydration is important. Almost as important as scoring more of those water bottles.

When you order a salad in the press dining room, it comes with this logo wax paper, which I never thought I’d need. Like, I can’t think of a scenario where I would serve food to my guests with waxed paper, unless I wanted to show a guest that I’ve been to the Masters, and then I totally would.

It is generally believed that there are two types of masters: those who love chili cheese sandwiches and those who have tried them once and immediately regretted it. I submit that there is a third category of people who are there just for the green wrap, forget they had a sandwich in their bag four months ago and end up having to apologize to their spouse.

The problem with these chocolate chip cookies is that they are chocolate chip cookies, and I am unable not to eat them when they are sitting in front of me. I have never had one of these packets intact for more than 11 seconds.

Given the preponderance of food in my collection, coupled with the fact that I’m not what you would call a “neat person”, I already know the assortment of napkins here intimately. Basically, there are two types: cocktail napkins for cleaning up small spills, and thicker stock for when you’ve just had a chili cheese sandwich and need to quickly spit it out.

Hand sanitizer dispenser and coffee urn

So far I’ve avoided anything that could be considered ‘theft’, but part of me thinks the club would applaud my dedication to hand hygiene trying to walk out with a hand sanitizer dispenser. 4-foot hands bearing the Masters logo. As for the coffee urn, as with a few other items, extra points are given because it says “Augusta National Golf Club” instead of “Masters” because that suggests I might have earned it at a guest member of the club. Does Augusta National actually give this stuff to a guest member? At this rate, I’m unlikely to know.

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